I am blessed, how are you?

As I approached the door to the Y, where I was going to teach my weekly yoga class, I stopped behind a man in a wheelchair who was navigating the entrance. He was having trouble adjusting his chair just right—he tried three times before finding the right angle to move all the way through the doorway. He then opened the inner door and allowed me to go through first. I asked how he was doing, and he said, “I am blessed, how are you?”

I was momentarily dumbstruck. After a few moments of waiting for him to enter the building, I had expected some sort of apology or awkwardness on his part, but I realized the awkwardness was all in my own head. He was present, smiling and did not seem the least bit self-conscious. It was a reality check, to say the least. If he was blessed, wow, what was I?

This interaction has stuck with me over the past week, especially as I was throwing myself a little pity party because both of my kids had been sick and crabby, I hadn’t had much sleep, the weather was oppressively gray, and my husband and I were snapping at each other. I know logically that I have so much to be grateful for, but sometimes I find it hard to pull out of a negative thought spiral, particularly in February. But after my interaction with this lovely man, I kept thinking in the back of my mind, “I am blessed.”

I love shifts in perspective like this. It was a small, momentary nudge, but one that invited me to reevaluate how I relate to my circumstances. Instead of watering the weeds of my inner garden (the irritable, woe-is-me thinking that tends to suck me in from time to time), my brain started nurturing the flowers by looking for ways in which I am blessed. I started thinking about my legs and how grateful I am for giving me the ability to walk anywhere I want. When an appointment cancelled, I thought, “cool, I have a little extra time to myself.” I drank a cup of mint tea and appreciated the way it warmed me from the inside out. Although my cloudy mood didn’t lift immediately, I was able to be with it until it passed, without dragging everyone else down with me. Now I’m feeling back to my inspired self again!

If you’re ever throwing yourself a little pity party and want to pull out of it with as little collateral damage as possible, try one or more of the techniques below. Remember that this approach isn’t about grandiose positive affirmations, like trying to force yourself to feel a wave of gratitude for your children when they are whining and screaming and about to drive you to have a shot of tequila before 9am. In my opinion, trying to slap positive thinking on top of negative thinking only adds fuel to the fire, causing the negative thoughts to dig in their heels even deeper. My approach is about finding the small things that you can authentically appreciate in the moment and allowing those to ground you until the storm passes:

• The most important thing to do when you’re in a foul mood is to bless your mood and allow it to be there. Give it space to be as big as it needs to be. Say, “bad mood, I know you’re here for a reason, and I can live with that.” This is probably counterintuitive and not necessarily pleasant, but it allows the irritability to pass through much quicker than if you beat yourself up for feeling the way you do (trying to change it only makes it stronger).

• Think about all the tiny ways in which you are blessed. Put on your favorite comfy sweatshirt and remember why you love it. Have a cup of your favorite hot beverage and savor every sip. Before a meal, marvel at all the resources required to bring each ingredient in to your home with very little effort on your part. Take a nice hot shower and imagine the tension in your body dripping down the drain with the water.

• Bless your body and all that it does for you. Think about how cool it is that your body systems (circulatory, respiratory, central nervous system, etc.) are functioning without you having to lift a finger. Your muscles and bones allow you to stand upright without being overtaken by gravity. You can put one foot in front of the other to get around from place to place—amazing!

• While thinking in general about your relationships may bring you stress if you’re already in a dark place, bless the little things you genuinely like about each person in your life. Do you enjoy your husband’s smile? Your child’s giggle? Bring a positive memory to mind and let it wash over you.

• Finally, if there’s anyone who you can count on to make you laugh (like my sister does for me), call them pronto. If you can find humor in just how crappy you feel, it will give you a little distance from the situation. Bless your sense of humor.

Whew, that feels better already. I know that even when I am in the middle of an emotional storm, I am truly blessed. How blessed are you?


Photo by Philipp Klinger

What Language Do You Speak?

Okay, I know what you're thinking (smartass), the answer is obviously: English (or Spanish, Swahili, etc.). But as I’ve been writing this blog and the mini-course for signing up for my newsletter (coming soon), I’ve been really intrigued by the idea that our true, highest selves find a preferred method of communication that is much more nuanced than what we automatically think of as our native tongue and may not even be considered a language at all. Has anyone ever “spoken” to you through pictures? What about through music? Numbers? Diagrams? Music? Touch? Food?

Troy Amber, TLA Studios

In my case, I’ve been a pretty decent writer for most of my life, but I never thought anything about it. I was just doing my homework assignments, documenting procedures or meeting notes, developing training manuals, what have you. It was pretty transactional, and I certainly never thought of myself as a “writer.” However, I seem to consistently end up being the “documenter,” the one who organizes the ideas on paper and distributes my notes for the rest of the team. Nothing revolutionary here, but I just never realized how frequently this happens or how naturally it comes to me. (The message tapped me on the shoulder, but I didn’t listen.)

Then about eight months ago, I wrote a paper for my yoga teacher training program about how yoga can help reduce the impact of the inner critic. It was the first time I had written about a topic I really cared about and WHAM, something clicked for me. I was amazed to discover how much I enjoyed the process of writing about something intrinsically interesting. Time zoomed by. I was in the zone. (The message bumped into me and I felt it, but I still didn’t quite connect the dots of how much or why writing was important to me.)

Serdelsol

Since that time, I started my blog because it’s the thing to do if you want to be a good coach. I wrote a few posts. I got coaching around which methods would work the best for me to reach my ideal clients (um, I cried tears of joy when my coach mentioned writing, hello). Low and behold, I’ve started noticing how at ease I feel when writing. How unfiltered. How authentic and inspired. Hmmm, go figure. My authentic self wants to communicate about deeply personal subject matter through words on paper (ok, on screen, you know what I mean.) Alrighty then. I got the message!

Think about the various ways that the people in your life speak to you. Can you understand what they are saying? My mom communicates through textiles. The woman is absolutely brilliant at making the perfect thing for a given occasion: a baby blanket, a quilt, a pillow, a purse, a yoga bag, outfits for my girls. Mom, I hear you, and I love you too. My husband communicates through numbers—models, spreadsheets and graphs.

Hubbert Peak Oil Plot

My sister communicates through delicious food; her husband through his magnificent photos (see the food photo, above). My yoga teacher speaks to me through her artistic and beautiful sequencing of poses. My daughter's first daycare provider speaks toddler (that's one I often don't understand, I tell ya). My somatic coach reads and speaks energy. My new massage therapist speaks to my muscles through her hands (which is more than I can say for my previous one, which is why I left). Radiohead speaks to my soul through music. You can always tell when someone’s communication (both method and message) is authentic because it touches you at a deep level.

What about what you put out into the world... how do you like communicating with others? In what situations do you feel the most at ease and able to connect with people (even if they aren’t in the room, as you are clearly not in my office right now as I write this)? Do you get lit up when working with various media (artistic, technical or otherwise), information, body practices, etc.? Pay attention to what happens in your own body and emotions while communicating in various ways. When you experience feelings of lightness, ease and contentment, treat those feelings as breadcrumbs and follow them. Your authentic self has something to say (I promise), and when you give it permission to speak in its preferred language, you will feel a resounding YES! Do me a favor, speak that language as often as possible because the world wants to hear what you authentically have to say. I know I do.