I am blessed, how are you?

As I approached the door to the Y, where I was going to teach my weekly yoga class, I stopped behind a man in a wheelchair who was navigating the entrance. He was having trouble adjusting his chair just right—he tried three times before finding the right angle to move all the way through the doorway. He then opened the inner door and allowed me to go through first. I asked how he was doing, and he said, “I am blessed, how are you?”

I was momentarily dumbstruck. After a few moments of waiting for him to enter the building, I had expected some sort of apology or awkwardness on his part, but I realized the awkwardness was all in my own head. He was present, smiling and did not seem the least bit self-conscious. It was a reality check, to say the least. If he was blessed, wow, what was I?

This interaction has stuck with me over the past week, especially as I was throwing myself a little pity party because both of my kids had been sick and crabby, I hadn’t had much sleep, the weather was oppressively gray, and my husband and I were snapping at each other. I know logically that I have so much to be grateful for, but sometimes I find it hard to pull out of a negative thought spiral, particularly in February. But after my interaction with this lovely man, I kept thinking in the back of my mind, “I am blessed.”

I love shifts in perspective like this. It was a small, momentary nudge, but one that invited me to reevaluate how I relate to my circumstances. Instead of watering the weeds of my inner garden (the irritable, woe-is-me thinking that tends to suck me in from time to time), my brain started nurturing the flowers by looking for ways in which I am blessed. I started thinking about my legs and how grateful I am for giving me the ability to walk anywhere I want. When an appointment cancelled, I thought, “cool, I have a little extra time to myself.” I drank a cup of mint tea and appreciated the way it warmed me from the inside out. Although my cloudy mood didn’t lift immediately, I was able to be with it until it passed, without dragging everyone else down with me. Now I’m feeling back to my inspired self again!

If you’re ever throwing yourself a little pity party and want to pull out of it with as little collateral damage as possible, try one or more of the techniques below. Remember that this approach isn’t about grandiose positive affirmations, like trying to force yourself to feel a wave of gratitude for your children when they are whining and screaming and about to drive you to have a shot of tequila before 9am. In my opinion, trying to slap positive thinking on top of negative thinking only adds fuel to the fire, causing the negative thoughts to dig in their heels even deeper. My approach is about finding the small things that you can authentically appreciate in the moment and allowing those to ground you until the storm passes:

• The most important thing to do when you’re in a foul mood is to bless your mood and allow it to be there. Give it space to be as big as it needs to be. Say, “bad mood, I know you’re here for a reason, and I can live with that.” This is probably counterintuitive and not necessarily pleasant, but it allows the irritability to pass through much quicker than if you beat yourself up for feeling the way you do (trying to change it only makes it stronger).

• Think about all the tiny ways in which you are blessed. Put on your favorite comfy sweatshirt and remember why you love it. Have a cup of your favorite hot beverage and savor every sip. Before a meal, marvel at all the resources required to bring each ingredient in to your home with very little effort on your part. Take a nice hot shower and imagine the tension in your body dripping down the drain with the water.

• Bless your body and all that it does for you. Think about how cool it is that your body systems (circulatory, respiratory, central nervous system, etc.) are functioning without you having to lift a finger. Your muscles and bones allow you to stand upright without being overtaken by gravity. You can put one foot in front of the other to get around from place to place—amazing!

• While thinking in general about your relationships may bring you stress if you’re already in a dark place, bless the little things you genuinely like about each person in your life. Do you enjoy your husband’s smile? Your child’s giggle? Bring a positive memory to mind and let it wash over you.

• Finally, if there’s anyone who you can count on to make you laugh (like my sister does for me), call them pronto. If you can find humor in just how crappy you feel, it will give you a little distance from the situation. Bless your sense of humor.

Whew, that feels better already. I know that even when I am in the middle of an emotional storm, I am truly blessed. How blessed are you?


Photo by Philipp Klinger