Hi there, I’m Kristin, although you probably already know that because you have apparently taken residence in my right breast. I’ve been hiding from you but I see you now, and I know you see me. I can’t say that I’m glad you’re here, but I guess I’m not that surprised either. Perhaps at a very deep level, I always knew you would come.
I was the one in the back of the classroom with my eyes down, avoiding eye contact so you wouldn’t pick me. Please, please don’t pick me. I’ve winced at the mere thought of you ever since I can remember. I have structured my entire life around avoiding you. Seriously, I don’t understand. I’ve done all the right things. Ask anyone.
Just a few examples: I don’t have a microwave in my kitchen because radiation freaks me out. I stopped chewing gum years ago because aspertame is a proven carcinogen. I don’t drink soda, never have. I gave up meat in order to avoid hormones and antibiotics. I eat organic vegetables, lots of them. I drink green smoothies. I buy BPA-free plastic. I make a good faith effort to buy products where I recognize every single ingredient—the fewer (ingredients) the better. I don’t eat much sugar or gluten. I don’t drink coffee. I pay very close attention to everything I put in my body. I do yoga and meditate every day. So what the f*#k? Why me?
Maybe that’s my answer. I try too damn hard.
The filter of my life—the lens through which I see almost everything—is health and wellness. Some people judge things based on their image or how they will look to others. Others by money and success. Still more by intelligence or competence. I judge them by health. So now what does this mean? Am I no longer healthy because you’re visiting? I have a problem with that, I gotta tell you.
Of course I wonder why you’re here. I have lots of questions that I hope you will help me answer. Did I do something to invite you in? Did my thoughts or habituated patterns create you? Or is it something bigger… did my soul invite you in to facilitate a big change that couldn’t have happened any other way?
I don’t get the feeling that you’re here to kill me. You have a reputation as being big and scary and mean, but I don’t see you that way. I see you as a messenger, a teacher.
I have something to learn from you, otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.
The ever-vigilant student in me wants to understand your message right away. What do I need to do to learn this particular lesson? How can I figure this out? But as I write this, I realize you’ve just taught me your first lesson. Maybe there’s nothing I need to do. Maybe this is more about receiving, allowing, softening. Ok, I’m with you so far. I hear you.
No matter what happens, cancer, I want you to know that I consider myself your faithful student. You have my full attention. I have moved to the front of the classroom. I am looking up, making eye contact and listening to you with my whole body.
My commitment to you is that I will respect you and your wise teachings. I trust that you will teach me what I need to learn in your own time, in your own way. I will do my best to allow your message to soak into my being and change me for the better.
I have a request of you as well. I ask that you share what you need me to know fully and completely so we can respectfully part ways forever.
Sincerely,
Kristin
Your courage and wisdom are a blessing! Thank you for letting your light shine on my path. Namaste.
ReplyDeleteKristin:
ReplyDeleteFew events are as life-changing and overwhelming as the moment someone learns that they have been diagnosed with a serious illness. One of the difficulties is sharing the news with family and friends. Who do you tell? What do you say? And how do you do it? A few years ago, those conversations were typically face-to-face, phone calls or letters. But as social media has transformed how we communicate, so has the way many people communicate about their health.
My name is Andy Meyer, and I am with a professional research firm, Russell Herder, in Minneapolis. We are currently studying how social media is being used as a way to disclose life-significant health news. We came across public conversations that you have had on this subject and are wondering if you would be willing to help us deepen our understanding of this important subject. We are not selling anything; this is purely a research effort.
Specifically, we are interested in learning . . .
● How individuals make the decision to disclose a medical diagnosis online;
● Which online tools they use to share information about their health (e.g. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, disease-specific forums; personal blogs); and
● Whether or not people find that sharing a diagnosis online is an effective way to build a support network or seek advice.
Would you be willing to answer a few questions either by phone or email? Your assistance will not only help others as they come to terms with news about their health, but will also help medical professionals interested in providing much-needed support to their patients. We will provide you a copy of our final report and, if you desire, withhold any personal details you choose to keep confidential. Thank you in advance for your consideration.