Holiday Inner Drama

The holidays bring up my “stuff” every year. I get triggered and hooked all sorts of situations, small and large. I find myself more moody and irritable than usual. I consistently wonder why I let it happen AGAIN. Well, it’s another year, and I’ve been hooked repeatedly already. I am noticing some of my least favorite patterns, and I’m doing my best to find the underlying painful thoughts. In case you think you are alone in your holiday frenzy, I want to let you in on my holiday inner drama, just to help you feel better.

• Procrastination – here it is three days before Christmas, and I haven’t bought presents for my mom, dad, sister or brother-in-law. Hmmm, wonder what that’s about. I keep thinking I’ll do it later, but later never seems to come until it’s cruch time. Then I beat myself up for letting this happen again this year. Still getting to the bottom of this one.

• Obligatory gift giving – I do not like trying and trying to think of gifts that will hit just the right note of generosity, sentimentality, and thoughtfulness. It feels forced, especially those years (like this year) when I don’t get a brilliant brainstorm that saves the day. This whole pattern then contributes to the procrastination. Instead, I like gifts that are given with no obligation, no expectations for anything in return, and no fuss. For example, my sister came home from Italy and gave me (for no reason at all other than that she KNEW I would love it) a beautiful, purple glass necklace from Murano. I love that necklace more than most Christmas gifts I’ve received, and I was so touched. It was PERFECT. Now, THAT’s a gift.

• Shoulds – The holidays are filled with so many “shoulds” that it makes my head spin. I should be getting more and better gifts. I should attend this party. I should write that thank you note. I should really call so and so back. And for God’s sake, I should make the holidays special because if I don’t, I’m just a grinch. Whew, I’m tired. Instead of motivating me to do anything, the shoulds are making me want to take a nap. This year, I’m practicing using one of the most valuable words in the English language: “No.”

• False cheer – it seems as though most people share a belief that they should feel cheerful and joyous at the holidays. Any belief that dictates that we should feel a certain way sets us up for inner drama because we feel like a failure or a scrooge when we are visited by any other feeling. But you know what? Feelings come and go no matter what time of year it is, and that’s just ok. My intention this year is to notice each feeling and welcome it no matter what.

• Shopping – Visual overstimulation. Auditory overload. Too many decisions. Commercialism gone awry. Not a fan.

What’s your inner drama this holiday season?