Soft is the New Black

Cancer is hard, in so many thesaurus-like ways (thank you thesaurus.com).

Cancer is difficult (adjective): none of the treatment options are particularly good, so making decisions is challenging. Physical symptoms, including pain, fatigue, skin irritation, and others make life more arduous while going through treatment. Emotional issues are more wearisome than at other times. Managing fear is especially tough. Life can feel exhausting and overwhelming when faced with a troublesome diagnosis and/or complications during treatment. Figuring out which diet and lifestyle changes to make in order to prevent future tumors from growing can seem rigorous and strenuous.

Cancer is solid (adjective): a tumor is a dense, firm mass of calcified cells. Once a tumor has formed, it is strong in its mission to grow. The mass is concentrated and compact. Treatment options are set and can feel inflexible. And if we take the cancer as a metaphor, could it be possible that this mass developed as a result of living life in a rigid and unyielding way?

Cancer is cruel, ruthless (adjective): facing cancer can range from unpleasant to brutal and bleak. Symptoms can seem intolerable and grim and are sometimes painful. Radiation and chemotherapy are unrelenting. The whole experience can feel perverse and unjust.

Cancer is true, indisputable (adjective). Cancer is absolute--it exists, it wears down, it kills. Cancer cells actually exist in every human, although the conditions must be positive for a tumor to progress. While cancer already has a definite place in the collective mindset, I think we need to increase our focus on pragmatic prevention strategies if we really want to move the dial. There are many verified ways to do this, including making dietary changes, managing emotions in a healthier way, reducing stress.

So, given that my intention is to learn from cancer and not fight with it, my tumor and I had a conversation. On several occasions, I communicated directly with the cancer in my own body (before it was removed) and asked it what it needed so it wouldn’t come back.

Call me a freak if you want to, but I know that my body’s wisdom illuminates the path that is in my highest good. Every. Time.

You know what the cancer told me? To soften.

Huh, go figure. With all that hardness proliferating in my body and life (yes, I can be a smidge rigid and tense), this made a whole lot of sense, even in that moment. Gotcha, cancer, I can see how softness is the antidote to the hard growth in my body.

Since that time, I’ve thought even more about how hard on myself I am, how rigid and tense my body can be, how much I hold myself in and hide behind rules and expectations. I even started recognizing how much I use the word "hard" in my every day communication (life is hard, stop playing hard-ball, having a hard time, hard sell, it’s a hard pill to swallow, they’re hard-up for money, she’s so hard-core, between a rock and a hard place).

My new mission is to be soft, to soften, to relax. And I recommend this strategy to anyone who is consistently angry, tense, anxious, overworked, stressed, in pain, moody, stuck or feeling worse than they could in almost any way.

What do I mean by soft? For me, soft means...

...Cushioned, squishy (adjective). Embracing the easy, pliable, flowing parts of myself and my life. Allowing more flexibility in my schedule and my way of doing things. Yielding when I’m in a squabble with my husband, instead of being attached to being right. Enjoying a whole foods, mostly plant-based diet (with some delicious, worth-while exceptions) because I like it, rather than sticking to a rigid set of rules.

...Faint, temperate (adjective). Soft as in gentle, mild, pleasing, quiet. Soft as in accepting that I am sensitive and sometimes need a break from the world to recharge. Soft as in playing soothing music, soaking in a hot bath, or taking a nap. Soft as in incorporating more restorative yoga, meditation, and deep relaxation--because it feels delicious, not because I should. Soft as in mellowing into myself by caring more about what matters to me than what other people think.

...Compassionate (adjective). Soft as in serving my clients because I love them rather than dwelling in how much I don’t know or haven’t done to get my business off the ground. Soft as in laughing with my kids instead of getting frustrated that they’re not doing what I ask. Soft as in delighting in spending time with family and friends. Soft as in simplifying life and doing only what feels right. Soft as in being vulnerable when expressing my true self. Soft as in asking for nurturing and support when I need it.

Soft is the new black, and I wear it with pride. What would softening be like for you?



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