Between the temperatures and the “back to school” mantra, Fall signifies a new beginning for most of us. It doesn’t even matter whether you or your family members are in school anymore, the season is still a time to get back to work, initiate new projects, or generally get serious about whatever goals you want to accomplish for the year. Usually, all of that translates into getting busy. Really busy.
This is typically a welcome change for me, as I like the feeling of busy-ness. It makes me feel important, like I’m contributing. But this has been an unusual year, as many of you know. I took the summer off from work so I could devote my time and energy to undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The Big C is one of those deep experiences that forced me to look at myself and my life because something--perhaps my way of being, my reaction to stress, my diet or lifestyle habits--created the conditions for cancer to grow. While I don’t believe the cancer was my fault, per se, I do think that I need to make some changes so it doesn’t return.
So, what have I learned?
To get the message a certain experience is teaching you, look at what you are getting out of it. For me, cancer meant clearing my schedule, not over-committing to anything, putting my self-care at the top of the list, and most importantly, slowing down. One of the biggest side effects of treatment was fatigue, so my entire job this summer was to manage my energy. I began to view just about every part of my life through the lens of how it would affect my energy. Would a given food, activity or conversation fuel me or deplete me? Would it add to my energy reserves or use them?
One of the benefits of fatigue, it turns out, is that I learned to take a stand for myself in the softest way possible. I took a nap whenever I wanted. I said no to obligations that didn’t serve me (and let go of guilt about it). I asked for help and support. And most importantly, I was more relaxed in my body and (sometimes) even in my mind. It’s hard to stay vigilant, rigid or upset when you’re so tired you can barely see straight.
With many opportunities on deck right now, I am extremely tempted to fall back into my old pattern of over-scheduling myself. But this year I am incorporating softness and relaxation into my routine. I’m allowing some flexibility for a nap here and there. I’m doing restorative yoga and adding in more massage and meditation. I am saying no to a few opportunities that seemed like a good idea at first blush.
By using the fueling/depleting lens to view my schedule, even though my energy has mostly returned, my Fall is shaping up to be much more spacious and relaxed than in years past. How nice is that?
The Fuel Tool
No matter if you are interested in fostering wellness or just want to experience increased energy to get everything on your list done, here’s a tool that can help you feel better, regardless of how busy you are. Use this tool to evaluate your activities in terms of whether they are fueling or depleting. Then for any of the items that are depleting, see if you can either ditch them or improve them in some way.
Step 1: Write down each activity you do, from the time you get up to the time you go to bed. This is your to do list plus things you wouldn’t normally write down, like taking a shower, picking up the kids from school, preparing lunch, etc. You can be as general or as detailed as you like. If you can’t get a good read on an activity, try breaking it down into smaller parts.
Step 2: For each individual activity, assess whether it is more fueling or more depleting (or neutral). Do the things you spend your time on juice you up and make you feel expansive, relaxed and/or energized? Or do they wear you out, make you feel contracted, and reduce your precious resources? (Or are they neutral). For example:
Activity More Fueling or Depleting (or Neutral)?
Meditation -Fueling
Prepare kids’ breakfast -Depleting (depends on how much they whine)
Write blog post -Fueling
Bookkeeping -Depleting
Watching TV -Hmmm... mostly depleting
Step 3: Evaluate the items that you listed as depleting. Now assess whether you can ditch them or improve them. Can you hire them out? Switch or barter them with someone who doesn’t dislike them so much (like switching chores with your significant other so you are each responsible for the ones you dislike the least)? If you actually can’t get rid of them, can you improve the tasks to make them more energizing? Can you play music, light a candle or treat yourself after completing them?
Try it and see what happens. Email me if you want any help with this exercise and please reply and let me know how it goes!
PS This exercise is strikingly similar to Martha Beck’s Body Compass exercise, but I didn’t even realize that until I was half way through it. I guess I learned it on a much more visceral level this summer, so I’m sharing my take on it.
Photo by Argonne
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